Soul desires in every moment to be born…
Source: Learning to Feel the Difference between Making Progress and Being Born
Soul desires in every moment to be born…
Source: Learning to Feel the Difference between Making Progress and Being Born
I haven’t been active on the is blog for several months because I have been writing chapters of a book whose working title is The Dark Night of the Earth and the Earth Monk’s Vigil. I am now ready to share here what my writing and research are enlivening for me.
Like many people, over the course of the past few years, I have felt growing despair for what is happening on our Earth and to our Earth. I feel a deep need to be with others who feel the same despair – and the hope that humanity can mature through the dark times ahead and learn to live more compassionately with each other and with reverence and caring for our local ecosystems and the planet as a whole.
Here is an excerpt from the introduction to The Dark Night of the Earth and the Earth Monk’s Vigil:
As a young woman, I hoped that our collective transition away from the Earth-destroying culture we currently inhabit and participate in, toward new, sustainable, more just and compassionate systems, would be completed in my lifetime, with a relatively brief and collectively chosen period of transformation. Now, I grieve for how we are only just entering what must be an extremely complex, dark, painful, disordering, chaotic, conflict-filled, multi-generational liminal expanse, from which a radically altered, profoundly humbled human culture might emerge – into a very different kind of rebirth than the world-conquering Renaissance of the past – if we don’t render Earth uninhabitable along the way.
Now, as a woman entering my crone stage of life, I am starting to see that I will live my elder decades as a participant within a time of global descent into disorder and confusion, revealing that what we have lived through in recent years has been merely the beginning ripples, the early distant rumblings of the much larger storm of change, struggle and painful psychological and spiritual initiation necessary to make us surrender our old familiar ego-centric cultural systems. The transformation that we must undergo will be humiliating in the truest, root sense of the word – a process in which we are brought low, back down into the earth, into the humus nature of being human, a return of Adam to adama – the clay, the earth to which we belong and must be real stewards of. Initiation, the soul’s process of ripening us, is humiliation of the ego, rendering us more in service of community and of the needs of soul. Only through such an initiation will humanity learn again to live in relationship with earth and each other. I do not expect this human-humus initiation to be completed in my daughter or granddaughter’s lifetime. Perhaps my great-grandchildren, and even more fully, my great-great grandchildren will be born in a truly Earth-stewarding culture.
At the same time as I’ve been stripped of my younger naïveté, which hoped for an easier transition and an easier era in which to live the second half of my life, my soul life and spiritual love has grown and deepened. This is a love that encompasses the whole Earth, humanity, and the sacred web of interconnected relationships within which we are woven. The spiritual formation through which this love has expanded gives me strength, courage, groundedness, and personal commitment to living as one engaged within present and future suffering, complex and scary as it will be. I want to be as present as I can, in deep relationships with people around me, witnessing and staying awake, keeping vigil throughout what is to come – the collective dark night of both the human soul and the planet itself.
The state of being in vigil is a state of being liminal. Of opening to silence, unknowing and darkness. Of suffering and lamenting and witnessing the pain within our depths. Of meeting our own demons, which we created in fruitless effort to be in control. Of surrendering to waiting in prayer dark for dawn.
More than anything, the Earth needs us to enter this state of vigil. To stop doing what we have been doing, to surrender our being in control, to face the demonic mess we have made of things, to meet the trauma we have inflicted and carry within us. To grieve, soften, and acknowledge the collective pain in which we live. And to wait, learning to listen to nature itself for what will heal us, and for the real work that is needed of us.
To grow capable of such vigil, we need to learn to be more patient within the liminal. We must be willing to become monks – Earth Monks born from the spiritual and communal needs of our era, committed to living in service of healing the collective trauma of humanity and our planet.
I hope this post finds its way to many others who are also called to become Earth Monks. In the coming year, I will continue to post excerpts from my book project, including suggestions of practices to help us unlearn the conditioned behaviors of Western society and its colonizing and consumerism. One of the key wounds to our soul-life in this society is the impairment of imagination, without which we cannot experience the world as alive and sacred. Therefore many of my upcoming posts will be about ways to heal our relationship with the imagination, first through the primary imagination that we encounter in our dreams, and later through the secondary imagination found in contemplative art making practices.
Song of the Cicada
What will you do,
you, who have endured
month after month,
year after underworld year,
in a dark silent place
and now wake to a strange new strength
and the desire to unbury yourself
with which you squirm free
and emerge
into a world
of sun and thunder,
catalpa flowers and bees,
birth upon voice upon song?
Join us,
the other ecstatic souls
who are already here celebrating.
Grow gold wings,
devote the rest of your life to love-making,
and raise an irresistible ruckus.
As we head toward Christmas, this poem spoke to me, I wrote it after winter's meditation during my workday commute. Commute Home The audiobook is talking about the disappointment of the early Christians, waiting and waiting for the transformation they believed would happen in their lifetime, until they grew to find eternity and salvation inside the waiting, as waiting changed them, teaching them to love each other. A livestock semi-trailer is slowly passing me. Pushed into each oval air-hole, black and white fur of cows packed in for a long journey. From one of these holes, a single, velvet cow ear, flapping in the winter air. I long to reach out and touch its softness; I feel sudden tenderness for these animals and their life of sacrifice. I arrive home less disappointed in marriage, practicing the faith born from knowing we failed and fail and will fail yet continue to chose a forgiving-love, with which we redeem each other.
To encourage, enliven, and inspire your journey as seeker, I am now offering a "Poem of the Week", sharing one of my own poems. Here is the first offering. Prayer for Choosing to Soften At best, we will need therapy and meditation practice for the rest of our lives, and some of us will soften and begin to heal, and some of us will keep resisting, afraid to be other than alone behind walls. And the world goes on as it always has and always will, warring more wherever we resist, and warring less wherever we soften. Sometimes we feel like fools. We could be getting drunk and screwing around in opulent, burning fortresses, instead of humbly sitting here, becoming naked. But the love we seek needs us to live in the wound like maggots cleansing an open sore of infection, like bees finding pollen to make honey, like mystics waking in the heart of the cosmic rose, realizing what we called self was a simple portal, a crudely carpentered door, we are quietly passing through, beyond which compassion is forever opening.
Here’s a link to a blogpost I contributed to the Natural Dreamwork blog. You can learn about Natural Dreamwork and access other posts from the team of Natural Dreamwork practitioners at http://www.thenaturaldream.com.
From time to time I’ve contemplated what words are most essential to me. My list has grown slowly over time, through lived experience. The first word to become sacred to me was the word “we.” Culturally, we livin in a me-against-you time, and so the healing essence of the word we is even more needed. This year, the word “vessel” became part of my list, as the best word for the deep inner space where soul-life cooks. Here is a list of some of the words that capture the heart of living, forming connection, entering relationship with each other:
we
us
home
empathy
belonging
earth (earth)
poem
tree
roots
breath
ground
weaving
dancing
singing
attached
open
now
cosmos
peace
dream
wonder
wander
feel
vessel
yes
It’s been a wonderful year long journey! I went to Costa Rica in March 2018 and completed training as a Let Your Yoga Dance Teacher. In September, 2018 I began a 200 hour yoga teacher training program at my local yoga studio, Flourish Yoga + Wellbeing, in Fishers, Indiana. On March 3, I graduated!!!!
I am already including yoga in my body movement group for eating disorder patients at Charis Center for Eating disorders. And I am looking forward to starting to teach Let Your Yoga Dance at Flourish and to helping with their yoga nidra offerings. My long term goals are to incorporate yoga and expressive art therapy into workshops and retreats.
While doing this yoga training, I have also been working with my dreams, with the help of a Natural Dreamwork practitioner. (www.thenaturaldream.com) The combo of dreamwork and yoga is incredibly healing and transformative for me. As yoga helps me unravel and release old conditioned reactivity and blockage within my body, the dreams are helping me untangle the emotional and spiritual wounds within my soul. I am now a practitioner in training in the Natural Dreamwork tradition. And so, though I graduated from the yoga teacher training, my spiritual learning journey is far from ending.
Before teaching my first yoga class, I dreamed that a group of humpback whales were arriving at the yoga studio and would fill the whole space. At first I reacted – there will be no space for me! Where will I teach yoga?! Then I realized the whales are arriving for my yoga class! So much living, ancient embodied energy, showing up in to be with me, to celebrate this journey and the new growth and vitality it is bringing me.
I look forward to many more postings here about my new yoga and dreamwork path and how they deepen and expand upon creative healing work with others.